Monday, April 04, 2005

BBQ smells and stinks

I've been looking forward to this BBQ for almost a week, then here I am, hanging around in the courtyard full of faces I know and faces I don't, full of food, pets and other matrimonial escorts.
Suddenly, I realize that's not what I want. I don't know why. It should make me feel great to see my friends in a different atmosphere than the newsroom's.
But this time, I would have prefered to be with ONE friend, not finding myself promoting the school, saying how great is the program to strangers we're not even sure to see again.
To be honest, there are some you don't wanna see in your school, some who are undecided, others who are really boring. But, wait a minute, I think I was boring too, distracted, looking at someone else while talking to somebody, thinking about something else, thinking about leaving. My appetite was affected by that. It's 6 pm now and I realize I didn't eat anything. There were some excellent desserts though...
What should one do when not feeling like socializing? I hate hypocrisy and I feel it sometimes in some people's attitude, it just ruins my day.
Lubna always tells me: why you show your emotion? Why you show it when you're sad? I HATE to hear that. What should I do? Explode inside and have this yellow smile outside? Impossible.

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